曾几何时，我们的距离，那么遥远；
曾几何时，你对我的关心，那么敷衍；
曾几何时，我的感受，你不再加以理会；
曾几何时，我成为你生活的阻碍；
曾几何时，你竟然利用我们多年互相的信任，来达到你所要的喜悦；
曾几何时，我所受的伤害，对你而言，只是件小事；
曾几何时，我不再成为你心目中的第一位；
曾几何时，与朋友之间相比，我远远不过于他们；
曾几何时，哭，不足以代表你对我的伤害有多深；
曾几何时，我为了跟上你的改变而做出的牺牲，变得那么的无谓；
曾几何时，忍让你对我的伤害，成为每天必做的事；
曾几何时，我竟然不埋怨你对我的敷衍，傻傻地睁一只眼，闭一只眼地爱下去；
曾几何时，我的言语，非常幼稚，根本帮不上任何忙；
曾几何时，我的话永远是废话，你永远把它当耳边风；
曾几何时，我会想象在我忍无可忍你对我的伤害的时候，对你所说的话，对你所做的事；
曾几何时，一句我爱你；变成口头禅而已；
曾几何时，你的一句我爱你，让我听了毛骨悚然，而不是甜言蜜语；
曾几何时，在我告诉你“我相信你”时，需要仔细地考虑清楚。
曾几何时，我劝自己不再被爱以后，狠心地离开；
从前，我可以不顾一切地为你牺牲，不顾一切地相信你。在我心中，有你在身边，我觉得很温暖、很欣慰。为了你，我不惜一切代价，也只因为我爱你、我信任你。因为你，我知道我失去了友情和亲情，我从来没有埋怨过。
全都是因为，我没有想过你竟然不会珍惜我！不管你的解释是什么，难道只要有道理你就没有错吗？我的感受，一定是我多心吗？
你敷衍我，不尊重我，我始终没有离开你。
这五年以来，我对你的牺牲，你觉得是必然的吗？你所谓“开玩笑”的每一句话，你确定我从来不介意吗？
多年累积的感情，虽然我知道已经不再稳定，但是就算要结束，也不要存有怨恨。因为怨恨，会带来痛苦、带来寂寞的。我努力地隐藏着你伤害我的痛苦，只希望一切会美好的结束。毕竟互相信任那么多年，如果有需要，还是能够帮助对方。然而，我勉强的微笑，你把它当成威胁。我挣扎要告诉自己一定要离开你的时候，你知道需要多大的勇气吗？我需要朋友的支持，既然你不再理会我的感受，为什么要批评朋友给我的意见！那些不是“小动作”，是我需要的鼓励！在我觉得伤心绝顶的时候，你竟然还怪罪我说我把你和她们之间变得很尴尬，你知道你有多过分吗？！！
到最后，竟然还是需要告诉你我恨你。为什么？是，我恨你，因为你害我盲目地相信你还会全心全意地爱我，重新整理现在杂乱的生活。你一而再，再而三地利用我对你的信任，打击我对这份感情满满的信心。
既然我已经很明确地告诉你我那破碎的心，自然地你恨恨地破碎了我们要永远在一起的梦想。
戴毅永，我感谢你曾经给我的爱，但是我真的不想活在不怪你，而是每天怪罪自己的日子里。我怪罪自己每件事都从你的角度想，却忘了自己有多么的不开心。
爱或被爱，我选择被爱。可以吗？
Monday, January 11, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Looking Back 2009
This blog is created only during end of 2008, but its my first time making this kind of post in my own blog! I guess its good, because all my pictures are filed up and it is going to take up lots of time to go through all the pictures.
So this summary thing is good! keke
January:
1) I was vomitting LIKE HELL, didn't even enjoy my trip to Koh Samui because what I did during the trip was vomit, and only vomit. I was so stressed up with the going-to-be-released results as it would determine my future. I remember telling everyone if I don't do well in AS, thats it. I will quit A-Levels and join ACCA or CAT. The vomitting lasted for 3 months plus.. until all of us decided to visit a specialist for endoscopy.
Result: Internal Bleeding in the stomach! The doctor also suspected that it is caused by the bacteria called Microbacter pylori. Main point is, the person who discovered this won a Nobel Prize and and and he is a Professor teaching in UWA!! (heh heh..*one day..one day.. its my turn*)shuddap do not comment!
2) Took my surprising results. All hard works paid off. It wasn't flying colours but at least it is good enough for all university applications. :) I was VERY HAPPY.
February:
1) Attended the first university interview in my life! Then continued with a few others.
-National University of Ireland
-Penang Medical College
-International Medical University
After all the interviews, father took the choice for me to change my preferred university from IMU to PMC, with a very valid reason that I accepted thankfully in the end.
2) First time experienced double-date Valentines Day! We all had fun. hee at least, I had lots of fun.
March:
What else??
1) THE 18TH BIRTHDAY!!! and OMG I can't believe(thanks to my lazyness) that I totally didn't blog a single word about the Birthday. I will post up some main pictures here then. It was beyond awesome and I am grateful that I have a bunch of lovely friends and the family who loves me most!
Mummy bought me a golden anklet which I totally didn't expected AT ALLLL..together with a pair of shoe. hehe
Just in case you don't know, daddy celebrates same day of birthday with me, and he got a dark pink polo tee from POLO with dark grey side linings. He looks so handsome with that shirt! :)
Back to the crazy o' bunch. Early in the morning, I need to CRACK MY HEAD to crack the code in order to know the location of my birthday celebration, and the present!
Everything started with "P". I will never forget "phenol" was one of it! hahaha
BIG BIG CREDITS TO BAMS. All of us had our wonderful birthday celebration for the year!
My birthday presents.
So this summary thing is good! keke
January:
1) I was vomitting LIKE HELL, didn't even enjoy my trip to Koh Samui because what I did during the trip was vomit, and only vomit. I was so stressed up with the going-to-be-released results as it would determine my future. I remember telling everyone if I don't do well in AS, thats it. I will quit A-Levels and join ACCA or CAT. The vomitting lasted for 3 months plus.. until all of us decided to visit a specialist for endoscopy.
Result: Internal Bleeding in the stomach! The doctor also suspected that it is caused by the bacteria called Microbacter pylori. Main point is, the person who discovered this won a Nobel Prize and and and he is a Professor teaching in UWA!! (heh heh..*one day..one day.. its my turn*)shuddap do not comment!
2) Took my surprising results. All hard works paid off. It wasn't flying colours but at least it is good enough for all university applications. :) I was VERY HAPPY.
February:
1) Attended the first university interview in my life! Then continued with a few others.
-National University of Ireland
-Penang Medical College
-International Medical University
After all the interviews, father took the choice for me to change my preferred university from IMU to PMC, with a very valid reason that I accepted thankfully in the end.
2) First time experienced double-date Valentines Day! We all had fun. hee at least, I had lots of fun.
March:
What else??
1) THE 18TH BIRTHDAY!!! and OMG I can't believe(thanks to my lazyness) that I totally didn't blog a single word about the Birthday. I will post up some main pictures here then. It was beyond awesome and I am grateful that I have a bunch of lovely friends and the family who loves me most!
Mummy bought me a golden anklet which I totally didn't expected AT ALLLL..together with a pair of shoe. hehe
Just in case you don't know, daddy celebrates same day of birthday with me, and he got a dark pink polo tee from POLO with dark grey side linings. He looks so handsome with that shirt! :)
Back to the crazy o' bunch. Early in the morning, I need to CRACK MY HEAD to crack the code in order to know the location of my birthday celebration, and the present!
Everything started with "P". I will never forget "phenol" was one of it! hahahaEverything started with P=Piau=Puzzle for my present.
Fantastic!
BIG BIG CREDITS TO BAMS. All of us had our wonderful birthday celebration for the year!
My birthday presents.Not forgetting the GUESS wallet from Daniel! AWW I love it so much.
April:
1) It is always the anniversary when April comes into my mind. 19th April 2004, the day I laughed a lot until now for what you did! *bluek* This year, the celebration was much more EXPENSIVEE, heh heh. I took the effort to dress up! See how important is 19th April to me. but what can you say. It's 5th year this year! So I wanna enjoy a bit. keke and I rate the japanese food for the dinner, 11/10!! Sad to say, I forgotten the shop's name. LOL paiseh. All I remember was the japanese shop right opposite Jogoya. Good landmark!
Then things went slightly out of track and I can't rate that day -perfect- anymore.
May:
1) Life started to deviate from what I wanted it to be. Things are getting more and more ridiculous. Just when I was trying to make things better, it worsen! All I know was "I am stupid". I couldn't please anyone in the world especially my loved ones. I let my parent down.
2) Sat the blardee toughest maths paper in my entire life. I felt mentally and emotionally breakdown. It was my last maths paper and I totally didn't expect it to turn out this way. I rarely blank a single question in all my exam papers but I was forced to blank at least 6 sub question worth 20+ marks. (If I'm not mistaken the total is about 75?)
April:
1) It is always the anniversary when April comes into my mind. 19th April 2004, the day I laughed a lot until now for what you did! *bluek* This year, the celebration was much more EXPENSIVEE, heh heh. I took the effort to dress up! See how important is 19th April to me. but what can you say. It's 5th year this year! So I wanna enjoy a bit. keke and I rate the japanese food for the dinner, 11/10!! Sad to say, I forgotten the shop's name. LOL paiseh. All I remember was the japanese shop right opposite Jogoya. Good landmark!
Then things went slightly out of track and I can't rate that day -perfect- anymore.
May:
1) Life started to deviate from what I wanted it to be. Things are getting more and more ridiculous. Just when I was trying to make things better, it worsen! All I know was "I am stupid". I couldn't please anyone in the world especially my loved ones. I let my parent down.
2) Sat the blardee toughest maths paper in my entire life. I felt mentally and emotionally breakdown. It was my last maths paper and I totally didn't expect it to turn out this way. I rarely blank a single question in all my exam papers but I was forced to blank at least 6 sub question worth 20+ marks. (If I'm not mistaken the total is about 75?)
June:
1) Ended my Pre-University course, Cambridge A-Levels. Did not regret taking this course at all, overall I got into a course I am sure I wanted in the end.
2) Celebrated Mummy's Birthday. I know in the coming years there is only slight chance where I can cut a cake and give her a big kiss on her birthday, so the simple celebration was a MUST!
3) Visited Macau for the first time! Oh I love the big wide hotel room and the Portugese Eggtart! *sluurrrpp*
July:
1) First time working! In exact, first time working outside. Normally, I got dragged to work in dad's office during holiday only. Acted like a total noob during work, made such great effort promoting.
2) My family drove all the way to Phuket! With the help of Garmin (GPS). *HUGE THUMBS UP* Then, without changing driver, I drove all the way back from Bukit Kayu Hitam until I reach home. *great achievement in my life*
August:
1) Another month waiting for the day to come--the day A2 results was released. Owh luckily no more vomitting this time but I didn't sleep for the whole night. Woke up, checked, ultimately disappointed. Didn't expect it to be so bad and I started throwing away my ambition. Made a big fuss when dad is still giving me ways to get into medicine.
2) Changed course, and I insisted to put medicine aside and aim for podiatric medicine. Actually a few weeks before results was released, I started to change my mind that I want to do podiatric medicine instead of medicine. But I will just rely on the results. In the end, made up my mind and Podiatric Medicine here I come!! Started typing personal statement, first try got rejected by Dhassareth and I will never forget him for giving such a big help 'improving' the essay. Without him, I may not even get a reply in such a short time! Of course not forgetting my own effort. hehe. I was overwhelmed when I received the email saying I was accepted into Podiatric Medicine in University of Western Australia!! And there it goes, changing from medicine to podiatry and Hi,Lil Foot! for my daily life later on.
2) Celebrated Mummy's Birthday. I know in the coming years there is only slight chance where I can cut a cake and give her a big kiss on her birthday, so the simple celebration was a MUST!
3) Visited Macau for the first time! Oh I love the big wide hotel room and the Portugese Eggtart! *sluurrrpp*
July:
1) First time working! In exact, first time working outside. Normally, I got dragged to work in dad's office during holiday only. Acted like a total noob during work, made such great effort promoting.
2) My family drove all the way to Phuket! With the help of Garmin (GPS). *HUGE THUMBS UP* Then, without changing driver, I drove all the way back from Bukit Kayu Hitam until I reach home. *great achievement in my life*
August:
1) Another month waiting for the day to come--the day A2 results was released. Owh luckily no more vomitting this time but I didn't sleep for the whole night. Woke up, checked, ultimately disappointed. Didn't expect it to be so bad and I started throwing away my ambition. Made a big fuss when dad is still giving me ways to get into medicine.
2) Changed course, and I insisted to put medicine aside and aim for podiatric medicine. Actually a few weeks before results was released, I started to change my mind that I want to do podiatric medicine instead of medicine. But I will just rely on the results. In the end, made up my mind and Podiatric Medicine here I come!! Started typing personal statement, first try got rejected by Dhassareth and I will never forget him for giving such a big help 'improving' the essay. Without him, I may not even get a reply in such a short time! Of course not forgetting my own effort. hehe. I was overwhelmed when I received the email saying I was accepted into Podiatric Medicine in University of Western Australia!! And there it goes, changing from medicine to podiatry and Hi,Lil Foot! for my daily life later on.
>>I am really glad now that I choosed Podiatric Medicine instead of Medicine. No regrets. I am really happy for myself! :)
September:
1) This was a sad month. Because why, it should be named Farewell Month.
Adelynn the monster left, and I celebrated her birthday for her in advance together with a green mirror.
Jia Yi the lame queen left, and we gave her a cup with the whole scouts gang picture printed on it, provided the cup is filled with hot water. Plus another yellow squared pillow was given.
Piau the great friend left, and I will miss him! :)
There were many people left too, both high school and college friends. Am I able to meet them again one day?
2) Visited ShenZhen & Hong Kong Disneyland! Then, had a 10 days stay with Jing the bestie in Hong Kong. Thanks a million! hehe
September:
1) This was a sad month. Because why, it should be named Farewell Month.
Adelynn the monster left, and I celebrated her birthday for her in advance together with a green mirror.
Jia Yi the lame queen left, and we gave her a cup with the whole scouts gang picture printed on it, provided the cup is filled with hot water. Plus another yellow squared pillow was given.
Piau the great friend left, and I will miss him! :)
There were many people left too, both high school and college friends. Am I able to meet them again one day?
2) Visited ShenZhen & Hong Kong Disneyland! Then, had a 10 days stay with Jing the bestie in Hong Kong. Thanks a million! hehe
October:
1) The scoldings are getting worse. I desperately want my holiday. A holiday without worries and stress. A holiday where I can sleep all I want, WITHOUT SCOLDINGS.
November:
1) I can't think of anything else. November, was the breakup. Nothing much to say about it, but it was bad. Cried a million times but doesn't make any difference.
1) The scoldings are getting worse. I desperately want my holiday. A holiday without worries and stress. A holiday where I can sleep all I want, WITHOUT SCOLDINGS.
November:
1) I can't think of anything else. November, was the breakup. Nothing much to say about it, but it was bad. Cried a million times but doesn't make any difference.
December:
1) HEH! I made it. Entered club for the first time in the age of 18. Not breaking any law. I am now glad for myself because I don't like the environment there. hee! :)
2) Received the "biggest" angpau in my life, from PorPor.
1) HEH! I made it. Entered club for the first time in the age of 18. Not breaking any law. I am now glad for myself because I don't like the environment there. hee! :)
2) Received the "biggest" angpau in my life, from PorPor.
3)Great countdown on 31st Dec with Daniel! Watching fireworks on special occasions just feels so good. :)
Overall, I love 2009 and I hate 2009 equally. One thing I am sure of, this one year made me felt that I've grown up a lot, ready for the next stage of life. Buhbye the happy and sad year!
2010, HERE I COME!
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