曾几何时的我们。

曾几何时，我们的距离，那么遥远；
曾几何时，你对我的关心，那么敷衍；
曾几何时，我的感受，你不再加以理会；
曾几何时，我成为你生活的阻碍；
曾几何时，你竟然利用我们多年互相的信任，来达到你所要的喜悦；
曾几何时，我所受的伤害，对你而言，只是件小事；
曾几何时，我不再成为你心目中的第一位；
曾几何时，与朋友之间相比，我远远不过于他们；
曾几何时，哭，不足以代表你对我的伤害有多深；
曾几何时，我为了跟上你的改变而做出的牺牲，变得那么的无谓；
曾几何时，忍让你对我的伤害，成为每天必做的事；
曾几何时，我竟然不埋怨你对我的敷衍，傻傻地睁一只眼，闭一只眼地爱下去；
曾几何时，我的言语，非常幼稚，根本帮不上任何忙；
曾几何时，我的话永远是废话，你永远把它当耳边风；
曾几何时，我会想象在我忍无可忍你对我的伤害的时候，对你所说的话，对你所做的事；
曾几何时，一句我爱你；变成口头禅而已；
曾几何时，你的一句我爱你，让我听了毛骨悚然，而不是甜言蜜语；
曾几何时，在我告诉你“我相信你”时，需要仔细地考虑清楚。
曾几何时，我劝自己不再被爱以后，狠心地离开；

从前，我可以不顾一切地为你牺牲，不顾一切地相信你。在我心中，有你在身边，我觉得很温暖、很欣慰。为了你，我不惜一切代价，也只因为我爱你、我信任你。因为你，我知道我失去了友情和亲情，我从来没有埋怨过。

全都是因为，我没有想过你竟然不会珍惜我！不管你的解释是什么，难道只要有道理你就没有错吗？我的感受，一定是我多心吗？

你敷衍我，不尊重我，我始终没有离开你。

这五年以来，我对你的牺牲，你觉得是必然的吗？你所谓“开玩笑”的每一句话，你确定我从来不介意吗？

多年累积的感情，虽然我知道已经不再稳定，但是就算要结束，也不要存有怨恨。因为怨恨，会带来痛苦、带来寂寞的。我努力地隐藏着你伤害我的痛苦，只希望一切会美好的结束。毕竟互相信任那么多年，如果有需要，还是能够帮助对方。然而，我勉强的微笑，你把它当成威胁。我挣扎要告诉自己一定要离开你的时候，你知道需要多大的勇气吗？我需要朋友的支持，既然你不再理会我的感受，为什么要批评朋友给我的意见！那些不是“小动作”，是我需要的鼓励！在我觉得伤心绝顶的时候，你竟然还怪罪我说我把你和她们之间变得很尴尬，你知道你有多过分吗？！！

到最后，竟然还是需要告诉你我恨你。为什么？是，我恨你，因为你害我盲目地相信你还会全心全意地爱我，重新整理现在杂乱的生活。你一而再，再而三地利用我对你的信任，打击我对这份感情满满的信心。

既然我已经很明确地告诉你我那破碎的心，自然地你恨恨地破碎了我们要永远在一起的梦想。

戴毅永，我感谢你曾经给我的爱，但是我真的不想活在不怪你，而是每天怪罪自己的日子里。我怪罪自己每件事都从你的角度想，却忘了自己有多么的不开心。

爱或被爱，我选择被爱。可以吗？

Looking Back 2009

This blog is created only during end of 2008, but its my first time making this kind of post in my own blog! I guess its good, because all my pictures are filed up and it is going to take up lots of time to go through all the pictures.

So this summary thing is good! keke


January:
1) I was vomitting LIKE HELL, didn't even enjoy my trip to Koh Samui because what I did during the trip was vomit, and only vomit. I was so stressed up with the going-to-be-released results as it would determine my future. I remember telling everyone if I don't do well in AS, thats it. I will quit A-Levels and join ACCA or CAT. The vomitting lasted for 3 months plus.. until all of us decided to visit a specialist for endoscopy.
Result: Internal Bleeding in the stomach! The doctor also suspected that it is caused by the bacteria called Microbacter pylori. Main point is, the person who discovered this won a Nobel Prize and and and he is a Professor teaching in UWA!! (heh heh..*one day..one day.. its my turn*)shuddap do not comment!

2) Took my surprising results. All hard works paid off. It wasn't flying colours but at least it is good enough for all university applications. :) I was VERY HAPPY.


February:
1) Attended the first university interview in my life! Then continued with a few others.
-National University of Ireland
-Penang Medical College
-International Medical University
After all the interviews, father took the choice for me to change my preferred university from IMU to PMC, with a very valid reason that I accepted thankfully in the end.

2) First time experienced double-date Valentines Day! We all had fun. hee at least, I had lots of fun.


March:
What else??
1) THE 18TH BIRTHDAY!!! and OMG I can't believe(thanks to my lazyness) that I totally didn't blog a single word about the Birthday. I will post up some main pictures here then. It was beyond awesome and I am grateful that I have a bunch of lovely friends and the family who loves me most!

Mummy bought me a golden anklet which I totally didn't expected AT ALLLL..together with a pair of shoe. hehe

Just in case you don't know, daddy celebrates same day of birthday with me, and he got a dark pink polo tee from POLO with dark grey side linings. He looks so handsome with that shirt! :)



Back to the crazy o' bunch. Early in the morning, I need to CRACK MY HEAD to crack the code in order to know the location of my birthday celebration, and the present!

Everything started with "P". I will never forget "phenol" was one of it! hahaha

Everything started with P=Piau=Puzzle for my present.

Fantastic!

BIG BIG CREDITS TO BAMS. All of us had our wonderful birthday celebration for the year!

My birthday presents.

Not forgetting the GUESS wallet from Daniel! AWW I love it so much.



April:
1) It is always the anniversary when April comes into my mind. 19th April 2004, the day I laughed a lot until now for what you did! *bluek* This year, the celebration was much more EXPENSIVEE, heh heh. I took the effort to dress up! See how important is 19th April to me. but what can you say. It's 5th year this year! So I wanna enjoy a bit. keke and I rate the japanese food for the dinner, 11/10!! Sad to say, I forgotten the shop's name. LOL paiseh. All I remember was the japanese shop right opposite Jogoya. Good landmark!


Then things went slightly out of track and I can't rate that day -perfect- anymore.


May:
1) Life started to deviate from what I wanted it to be. Things are getting more and more ridiculous. Just when I was trying to make things better, it worsen! All I know was "I am stupid". I couldn't please anyone in the world especially my loved ones. I let my parent down.

2) Sat the blardee toughest maths paper in my entire life. I felt mentally and emotionally breakdown. It was my last maths paper and I totally didn't expect it to turn out this way. I rarely blank a single question in all my exam papers but I was forced to blank at least 6 sub question worth 20+ marks. (If I'm not mistaken the total is about 75?)

June:

1) Ended my Pre-University course, Cambridge A-Levels. Did not regret taking this course at all, overall I got into a course I am sure I wanted in the end.

2) Celebrated Mummy's Birthday. I know in the coming years there is only slight chance where I can cut a cake and give her a big kiss on her birthday, so the simple celebration was a MUST!

3) Visited Macau for the first time! Oh I love the big wide hotel room and the Portugese Eggtart! *sluurrrpp*


July:
1) First time working! In exact, first time working outside. Normally, I got dragged to work in dad's office during holiday only. Acted like a total noob during work, made such great effort promoting.

2) My family drove all the way to Phuket! With the help of Garmin (GPS). *HUGE THUMBS UP* Then, without changing driver, I drove all the way back from Bukit Kayu Hitam until I reach home. *great achievement in my life*


August:
1) Another month waiting for the day to come--the day A2 results was released. Owh luckily no more vomitting this time but I didn't sleep for the whole night. Woke up, checked, ultimately disappointed. Didn't expect it to be so bad and I started throwing away my ambition. Made a big fuss when dad is still giving me ways to get into medicine.

2) Changed course, and I insisted to put medicine aside and aim for podiatric medicine. Actually a few weeks before results was released, I started to change my mind that I want to do podiatric medicine instead of medicine. But I will just rely on the results. In the end, made up my mind and Podiatric Medicine here I come!! Started typing personal statement, first try got rejected by Dhassareth and I will never forget him for giving such a big help 'improving' the essay. Without him, I may not even get a reply in such a short time! Of course not forgetting my own effort. hehe. I was overwhelmed when I received the email saying I was accepted into Podiatric Medicine in University of Western Australia!! And there it goes, changing from medicine to podiatry and Hi,Lil Foot! for my daily life later on.

>>I am really glad now that I choosed Podiatric Medicine instead of Medicine. No regrets. I am really happy for myself! :)


September:
1) This was a sad month. Because why, it should be named Farewell Month.

Adelynn the monster left, and I celebrated her birthday for her in advance together with a green mirror.
Jia Yi the lame queen left, and we gave her a cup with the whole scouts gang picture printed on it, provided the cup is filled with hot water. Plus another yellow squared pillow was given.
Piau the great friend left, and I will miss him! :)

There were many people left too, both high school and college friends. Am I able to meet them again one day?

2) Visited ShenZhen & Hong Kong Disneyland! Then, had a 10 days stay with Jing the bestie in Hong Kong. Thanks a million! hehe

October:
1) The scoldings are getting worse. I desperately want my holiday. A holiday without worries and stress. A holiday where I can sleep all I want, WITHOUT SCOLDINGS.


November:
1) I can't think of anything else. November, was the breakup. Nothing much to say about it, but it was bad. Cried a million times but doesn't make any difference.

December:
1) HEH! I made it. Entered club for the first time in the age of 18. Not breaking any law. I am now glad for myself because I don't like the environment there. hee! :)

2) Received the "biggest" angpau in my life, from PorPor.

3)Great countdown on 31st Dec with Daniel! Watching fireworks on special occasions just feels so good. :)

Overall, I love 2009 and I hate 2009 equally. One thing I am sure of, this one year made me felt that I've grown up a lot, ready for the next stage of life. Buhbye the happy and sad year!

2010, HERE I COME!

Greetings from the 2 Grandmothers

This is something so memorable and I can never forget any details of it in my life. It meant a lot to me as one of their grandchildren.

I grown up in a very chinese traditional family thus I am always practicing chinese culture and tradition in life. and I'm proud of it! hehe


>>I shall start off with the mother's mother aka PorPor.

During my last trip to Ipoh, she gave me a BIG PRESENT! ho ho ho~~ Just when daddy announced that it's time to leave, popo suddenly pulled my hand and said "come come". (and before that, mummy asked me to place something secretly in her room) So my first reaction was staring at my mother. but well she is going to raise her voice calling my name if I still don't follow her footstep and enter her room with her. Owh she was so cute, the reason I got panicked was because she called me secretly, as if hoping none of my other family member will know about it. So imagine how nervous was I. PorPor is well known with her 'unique' attitude so I was so scared I did something wrong that she wants to lecture me personally!! OMG..

Then when I was with her in her room, (without any other people), she started to dig her treasures. LOL I didn't know she hides her things in that corner! hahahaha *I feel so honoured*

She pulled up a stack of papers then *TADAA* a BIG ANGPAU appeared. I just can't put those feelings in words because other than Chinese New Year she had not given us extra angpau. Or maybe once or twice on my birthday. I was happily staring at the angpau and she started to pull me down towards her (fyi, she uses wheelchair), and asked me to read the greetings she wrote on the angpau. "来，读给婆婆听。"

The angpau from PorPor.

I first skipped the address to me and my name, and she yelled. "EHH, 前面那些不用读啊?" (why didn't you read those in front?!" OWH SWTTT of course I don't expect myself to be reading my own name! It's like, "To, myself" lol. But the queen ordered, so yeah have to read again. haha

"孙女 林缘双 祝你学业上进 愿望成就 婆婆"

awwww so touched!! I almost drop into tears at that moment. When I fully(haha she kept holding it) received the angpau from her, I remember saying "wahh, 很厚 lehh" LOL it feels wonderful, really. I wasn't expecting such touching greetings at all from my old grandmother!

Halfway through the reading session, I was too happy so I spoke too loud and mummy was standing at the door staring already. popo was worried that mummy will stop me from accepting the angpau so she kept saying "shhh 这样大声做什么？" aiyor PorPor I can't control one mahhh.. but mummy asked me to accept it anyway. Then of course it's picture time with PorPor and angpau!


The lovely PorPor and I!!

Smile More!!

Before I REALLY leave the house, she said again "乖乖读书ahh.. 不要只顾着 paktor 知道吗!!" *OOPS* hahaha

.........................................

>>Then, its the father's mother aka Ah Ma.

Today, my family and I paid a visit to dad's eldest brother's house, Ah Ma was there too. I was happily watching television sitting beside Ah Ma, and she walked away. When she came back, *TADAA* she gave me an angpau! hehe but it wasn't that unexpected compared to the one from PorPor because every year, as long as we were ranked 1st to 3rd in our class or we scored well in major exams, she'll give us an angpau. This applies to each cousin! keke.

Angpau from Ah Ma

This time, no greetings written on the angpau but she greeted me verbally. No difference, I still get the blessings! Owh sorry Ah Ma you were too fast I can't remember every single word you said. But I still have a rough idea.

"阿嫲祝你出国读书 事事顺利、万事如意！"

Forgotten to take a picture together with Ah Ma and the angpau, but it's ok. I took loads with her in my last trip to Pangkor before I fly to Perth.

Ah Ma and I in front of our beloved Pangkor House~

Thank you again for all the wishes from both of you.

Stay healthy and live long forever.

I LOVE YOU!

Badminton IdolS

Ever since the lovely sister came back from her India competition trip, she had been craving lots of different kind of Malaysian food. And thanks to my great mind on suggesting where to eat for our lunch today, I got myself a big surprise other than the delicious lunch!


I met,

THEM!!!

weee~~ hahaha

I first saw Tan Boon Heong with a half blue half red football team shirt. (is that Barcelona's shirt?? I seriously not sure) My mouth was half hanging and the noodles were flying in the air infront of my face. I don't know why I got so excited when I saw them!! haha happy happy. Then at that time, I was already hitting my sister so hard and kept saying "eh ting..TING..OMG TING LOOK!! Tan Boon Heong lerr!!" just when my sister confirmed that its him, I started searching for Koo Kien Kiat this time.

Then...I spot him!! *screams screams* hahaha A light purple shirt with the word "GAP" together with a white cap. This time, it was even worse. I stared at him, as if there are golden bars dropping down to earth from the sky. My eyes went 0.0 and LOCKED on him, continuously for 20 minutes!! (they were standing waiting for seats) and I lost my appetite to continue the food cus my mind is not on my food anymore..haha(okla the food wasn't what I wanted anyway)

I guess I wasn't given a chance to stare at a guy ever since my breakup, that I stared at him so badly!! and I know I scared him off because, I kept smiling and my expression was SO EXCITED and I made him feel like "oh yeshh, the little girl here IS staring at you" =p OMGOMG *aaahhhh!!!!* hahahaha why laa what happen to me? Ok I don't know but this was the first time I see them from such short distance! I met them a few times during their matches around KL stadiums but the distance was too far. So yep..both of them are so strong and charming~! wakaka

Blah.. I have never been so crazy at looking at idols. Worse still, Lee Chong Wei had always been my top favourite among all Malaysian players. hmm... so what makes me think that Koo Kien Kiat is sooo yeeng today?! I looked around, and everyone was busy with their food. Am I the only one to spot them? The badminton stars of our country? Nevermind.. better! Then everyone will face their head down on the food, and I get to continue looking at him clearly. kekeke

Malaysian players are losing a lot in the badminton field this 2 years. Bad comments are hitting on them so often nowadays but I hope that wouldn't stop their fighting spirit. Keep it up people, no matter what happen, I will forever support all Malaysian players!

Malaysia Boleh!!

Imperfect Life

Life is never perfect, I know. But today, is just not my day.

Case 1) Started working early in the morning after dropping sister in school and went stamping office via the new road. (Overhead bridge which connects Subang to Federal Highway without jamsss). This was a good path, I'm so tired of LDP already. Today, after coming down from the bridge, felt disappointed because that short distance from overhead bridge to stamping office in Federal Highway was never jam. Fine, traffic jam. Urghhh

Just when I am reaching stamping office, there I see again a white-uniform-human-with-black-pants together with their look-so-cool motorbike was standing beside the road, inspecting a car. I was thinking already, early in the morning when everyone is stucked in the jam, what the hell are you doing? Why aren't you controlling the traffic? Unless you prove us that the guy was a murderer or something. Can't you do that at other period of time? Malaysians are meant to be keh-poh enough already. Whoever/Whatever that stops beside the road will definitely attract attention of all Malaysians and therefore slowing down their vehicles and not paying attention in front. Worse still, its the white-uniformed human standing there, with their usual greedy and useless pose and look. Of course everyone will look at him! Thinking: *oh no..which unlucky fella early in the morning.*

Ok here goes the main point. haha

Right after everyone pass them, there goes the emergency break from the cars in front. So do I, and I managed to stop. With the usual phobia, my first reaction was to look into mirror, looking at the distance then the speed of the car behind. I knew, that with the Proton Waja's initial velocity, I am left with small chance that it can stop before my car. I tried to move forward as much as I can but it was the maximum already.

(Don't get me wrong, I will NEVER miss Physics)

In my heart: "wan dan liao.. Oh my Little O' Saga..please please pleaseeeeee"

1..

2..

3..

BOOOMMMMMMMMM

My heart: *cries* MY CARRRR... "just hope that it will not be thatt bad, please please"

Okay, she looks kind, nervous as usual. My car only need some polish and I trust her that she will not just run away. Okay I do have some vested interest because I saw her car with IMU sticker and I believe on healthcare student. Very Bad!! I know. (sorry sorry no offence to other friends.)Blah, it was just first impression. I see me in her, because I understand how it feels to knock on other people's car. The financial pressure, and also blaming myself for being careless.

(Again, don't get me wrong, I'll NEVER miss Thinking Skills)

SCRATCHES-ES-ES-ES

After I hopped up my car, I know I am not in fault but the feeling of being caught in the accident this time, is just different. I cried, once more. Seriously, why did I cry?! Ish such a childish naive little girl I am. I still have my lovely parents isn't it? Stupid.


Case 2) After i reach stamping office, when I took my lovely Nokia N81 out from the pocket.
*mouth open, slightly heart attact, & SHIT!* My phone cracked! As in, some black shell cracked and drop off, leaving the phone looking SO NAKED AND CACAT. That was so so ugly!!

This phone meant a lot to me, and I have no intentions on changing a new phone for the time being. Plus, I don't expect my parents to buy me a new one anytime soon. So, NO. I told myself, I must find that lost piece and I will glue it back or do something to it when I am home later.


I threw out everything in the handbag, searched the car up and down.

No where to be seen.

Just when my mind was wondering thinking of all sorts of negative things again, I found it. right on my driver seat! I was sitting on it. HAHA HEHE smiles!



And so, the phone must be added with protective layer from now onwards. The phone designers designed it this way, I always feel bad to give them the extra layer. But I don't have a choice now, too bad my beautiful and elegant phone.

Cover 1: The beautiful phone is totally covered! How can...

So, I tried the second one..

Cover 2: At least still looks normal, but didn't cover that drop off part at all.

Can it really help?

Case 3) After all the despatch and stamping works, I went back to daddy's office as usual to continue my work.
and I almost TRIPPED THREE TIMES by accidentally kicking the files on the floor.


Ish. I know if I can just be more careful in my life, I will be so much more happier.


Luckily, no case 4. Today is just not my day. I felt that my car lost its virginity. haha because first time other people knock on my car. Then, I am really worried that the beautiful phone will never be perfect anymore, I really cannot stand it if it is broken again this way.


Quote: "bad things do happen when ur at the lowest point"
Yeah, you are right.

Change

Still, it really happenned. Everything seems to be okay at first but what was the problem?

CHANGE

From both person, both side, both parties.

Miracly, I talked to my mother about it. ("Shuang hahh WHAT?!") haha yes I know everyone will give me this reaction. She forced me to tell what happenned and my face emotion definitely can't cover up anything anymore. For the first time, I felt that mummy understands the situation. She did not side anyone and gave me advices as someone who came through it before.
Because of her, I am emotionally more stable after that. Actually until now I still don't understand how can my mood change so fast after talking to her. What did mummy said that made me feel alive again? lol don't know. I don't see her keyword. Maybe every word was the keyword.


The so called new life is not good yet and not improving yet either. But I know, I must do it. Well, I am not that great, I know my emotion wouldn't be that smooth without him making extra efforts. But still, I must stop relying on any other people and be more independent. In the first place, this is what I wanted isn't it? GRR I KNOW HOW TO TALK ONLY.


Anyhow, I have found the key on how to accept what had happenned and to stay healthy for myself, it might not be a good idea but at least that makes me feel better. It's ok. I am satisfied already. I'm still confused with the feeling I have now. Hope to make it clear as soon as I can, without anymore regrets.



Still alive for everyone who love and care for me, I will rearrange the positions and put myself in top priority, loving myself the most from now onwards.

Hi, Little Penguin

It took me 4 or 5 years, it is too long that I couldn't remember which year I started it anymore. I did a few pieces before this but never in the history used such a long time.
(Actually, I DO have another one which is not completed and I started that before this piece. So you can imagine how long that piece had been abandoned. ish I am so good in procrastinating in EVERYTHING.)

The Little Penguin!

4 yearssss

And so, right after I finish with that little penguin, I immediately digged a new one and get started with it. You know la.. right after that urge is gone then I don't know when am I starting it again. Why?

BECAUSE..

This new one is..

HUUUUGE!!!!!

71 colours!!

The maximum I did before this was 20 colous only.. haha big big challenge!

When mummy saw the guidebook, she thought I can just choose any page out of the 8 pages and stitch one of it. In fact, NO. Those 8 pages are to be matched in order to produce this whole piece of beautiful thing.

Mummy: HARR?! OMG.. Why do you want to get yourself into such trouble? *faint*

Me: *hahaha* It's ok. This will be so challenging! Mummy, I target to finish it before I step out of this house to go perth. I definitely MUST do it.

Mummy: okok. *happy smile*

There I go, smile..and continue smiling...still smiling.. because in my mind I keep dreaming, oh how nice will it be. I have done such great project and everyone in the house will be looking at it everyday. Yesh I can do it I can definitely complete before I go perth.

BUT....

Look.

THIS, is my efficiency after 1 month! not even 1/20 of the whole piece!!

*cries cries HUHUHU*

Stupid Lim Yuanshuang, why are you so good in procrastinating. Why can't I have more determination in doing things?! argh.


I have to continue it. must must. I want this thing to be hanging on my house wall when I am in Perth! Obviously because I want everyone to miss me everyday!! hehe.

It was supposed to be a present for Daniel.

Promised him few years ago and it had always been in my mind.

Who ask me to complete so late?

Owh ya, I am not posting up the picture of how the big cross stitch is supposed to look like because I only want to show it when it's done! teehee. We shall see when will I blog about the complete one.

Everyone, JUST WAIT FOR ME!!