I Miss My Family

...and out of sudden, I miss blogging so badly.

As usual, I'm blogging because I'm unhappy, AGAIN.

In exactly 10 days ago I had a big fight with my parents, and maybe also with my siblings. All these while, I've been treated so unfair. I never get things/gadgets I deserve and I want at the correct age. I only get them years later, when my parent's think it is 'appropriate' but I have already been craving for that item/feeling for years. When I see Bei with that so called 'ebook' I just couldn't hold my anger anymore and burst out in tears, then mummy came asking me 'WHY? WHAT'S WRONG? WHY ARE YOU CRYING?'

HEY. I'm not trying to be a kiddo here, jealous at other kids because they get their toy and I don't, what more thats my sister who is 8 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME.

It's the anger underneath my feelings, I just didn't understand, if they don't think it is wrong to buy things for my siblings at young age, then what about me? Why, I just NEVER get things I deserve, at that point of time?

They have been so calculative with me with money. Every single cent I spent, I have to report. It's like doing a personal account reporting to the government. I thought well fine, they have been in such way since I was young, so I've lived with it. BUT WHEN TING WENT UK, only for 2 days, and she couldn't stand her accommodation anymore, Dad gave her the 'GO AHEAD. CHANGE YOUR ACCOMMODATION' reply and got so worried if she can't change to another room, how do you expect me to feel?! I've been complaining about my hall for 2 years. I hated my life there. I hated the room. I needed a personal space to walk around. Then when I finally managed to move out 2 years later, what they tell me all the time is how much money I'm spending to move out? I understand that I need to save money, but it is the UNFAIR TREATMENT that I've always been getting!

Now here comes the saddest part of the story. The two little kiddos whom I loved so much, I cared so much, the ones whom I can sacrifice my time to stay at home and spend time with them, turned their back on me too!

10 days later, no one is talking to me. It is as if I did something horrible, when I'm the one who felt so hurt over all these biasness.

I can never finish with all the unfair incidents. But for now,

I MISS MY FAMILY. SO MUCH. YET NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME.

At this point, I know that even if I were to initiate a conversation with my parents anytime now, the first conversation will surely be an arguement, AGAIN, because they're always right and they MUST scold me (even if I was the one hurt) before everything is over.

I wished, my parents are more understanding to me, and know what a girl at my age needs and provide me with those. Some of them don't even need money, just their love, but I know they will only think that I'm expecting too much. So all my "I wish I get that from my parents too" will only go into my dream, and look at how it will be like when my younger siblings get them.
I WISHED, after all that I've done for my 3 siblings, they will be on my side no matter what happens. Because that was what I thought siblings were for, to be there when parents piss you off, and be there when you screw something up and want to hide it from your parents. As the eldest sister, I've done my best to protect them, but I didn't expect this to happen. Will I still love them like how I used to again? The fact that even they didn't bother contacting me after 10 days?

I wished I had a family who will not do this to me. and I'm lucky to have Dan by my side, all the time. <3 nbsp="nbsp">